I have my own domain, where I host this blog. I manually delete anywhere from two to six spam comments on my blog every day. They are generally in Cyrillic text, or occasionally Arabic, though the ones in English are equally incomprehensible. Today, for instance, a short one in English read, “In it something is also to me it seems it is excellent idea. I agree with you.” Perhaps it was agreeing that (as I wrote in my previous entry) human beings don’t make sense. Another one read, “Awesome article.” There was a link attached. I will not click on it.

For a long time, my home e-mail (also hosted on my domain) was refreshingly spam-free, but of late I have been getting a few spam emails a day, even though I have software that should theoretically screen those out. Instead, it screens out my credit card statements, which I don’t need because I pay off my credit card every week.

I have a Yahoo! email that I use for anything I don’t really need, like frequent buyer accounts and various memberships. Yahoo! also does a nice job of corralling spam, but nonetheless I get anywhere from 50 to 100 spam emails in the spam folder every day. They warn me that my account is overdue and will be closed, or that my speeding tickets are putting me at risk of jail time. I don’t have a car. Some of them offer me marvelous prizes or huge sums of money for things that do not concern me, or penis enhancements. I am lacking a penis entirely.

I do have a Google email. I use it for my Google accounts, like Home, Docs, and Photos. I get no spam on that. None. Nobody wishes me well, addresses me in Russian or Chinese, threatens me, or offers me riches beyond my wildest dreams. It’s sad. Well, Google does put any class action suit information in my spam bucket. I’m not sure if it does that on purpose.

And then there’s my iCloud account, where I get mail only from my health insurance broker, because I didn’t pay attention when I was corresponding with him. No spam there, either. Only Apple knows I have it.

What I’m saying is if anyone ever really gave me an unlikely amount of money, threatened me with jail time, genuinely enhanced my penis, or made me a marvelous offer for free pillows, I would not know. Serendipity will have to pass me by in the darkness of the spam buckets.