One of the things I do, when I can’t think of what to do, is make lists of actions I should undertake. These lists tend to get longer, of course. They also tend to proliferate. One of the things that periodically appears on my task list is “reduce number of lists.” Currently, I have it down to three lists: things I do daily, reminders of things that have to happen on a specific date, and tasks I can do whenever I want. Currently, those lists are all in the Reminders app on my iPhone.

Last week, a terrible thing happened: I ticked off everything on the third list, the list of tasks I can do any old time. Seriously. The Phone screen had the heading, “Tasks” and underneath that, in faint gray lettering, “All Reminders Completed.”

I looked at it, and with all my heart, I wanted the screen to stay that way. I wanted to be able to enjoy, however briefly, the feeling that I had achieved everything I ever wanted to do. I hadn’t, of course; the cat litter needs to be scraped every day, I have to wash dishes and do the laundry, and also every day I read something, write in my journal, write a blog post, stretch, and go for a walk. However, the one-offs had all been faced and overcome, even the encounter with the municipal tax office, and now I didn’t want to have to do anything else. Just keep that little glowing screen empty. Rest in a state of completion.

That meant I spent several days doing as close to nothing as I could.

God, it was boring.

Oh, life went on. I went out, ran errands, met up with friends and family, made my weekly dinner for my family, and talked on the phone. I discharged my responsibilities. But in the open spaces, where normally I would glance at my list of tasks and either decide to avoid them entirely, rearrange them in order of priority, or get something done, I had nothing.

I woke up this morning with the thought, “Pull yourself together,” and now there are eight things on that list for me to avoid. Now I feel much better. It’s going to be a busy day, and I might even get something done after all. But I had better put one more item on that task list: “Think of some more things to put on this list.”