I often say to friends who are worrying about family, work, or relationships, “You can do whatever you want.”

It’s not an affirmation mantra. It’s not “positive thinking.” I don’t mean that you can believe your way to wealth. It’s much more trivial than that, and more achievable.

There was a time in my life when I just wanted to have a so-called “normal life.” I wanted it terribly, because up until I was in my early twenties I was a dismal, tiresome failure. I wanted to be able to show up, to come back, to dig in, and to be dependable, and I slowly figured out how to do that. But I also wanted to have an interesting life.

I didn’t have the option, mind you, of doing what a lot of people choose to do when they want to get wild; that’s because I used up my ability to drink and take drugs very early on in my life. So getting intoxicated wasn’t an option. But it wasn’t a necessity either.

I don’t have to be drunk or stoned to try something new. I just have to remember that there is nothing virtuous about being inhibited. And being utterly conventional is all right if that’s what you want, but it still won’t necessarily make anyone like you any better. Most of your choices are less important than everyone says.

I say to my young friends when they are worrying about dealing with expectations, “You know that one really difficult relative? The one who leaves parties early, dresses differently from everyone else, speaks their mind, and refuses to go along? You get to be that person too.”

Expectations are the devil. I still hear my mother’s voice saying, “You’re wearing that?” when I put on something unsuitable for my dignity, and then I remember she wore baggy T-shirts and elasticized shorts for the last few years of her life.

I’m retired now, the official demographic that is allowed to wear silly hats and bright colors, but I had a lot of practice before I got here. If you don’t do something dumb, fun, and weird right now, you might not know how to get started later on. Don’t let fear prevent you from doing something really odd, if you feel like it. Or you can just be yourself. That’s the same thing.

You are peculiar enough, just the way you are.