I would like things to stop nagging me. I do not want automated reminders about the weekly meeting for which I do not have notifications set. I do not want to provide feedback for the baseball game I just attended, or for the package I just picked up; in fact, I don’t want to provide feedback for anything, thank you, oh friendly thing that is sending me emails and texts.

I do want to leave a thoughtful review of books I read, in case I forget I already read them and want to buy them again. I don’t use Goodreads, though, because when I finish a Kindle book it automatically asks me if I want to leave a review and suggests a whole bunch of other books I’m not interested in. I use The Storygraph, instead, because it never prompts me at all.

Please, also, do not sell me the object I already just bought. Do not sell me objects other people bought, either, or that I looked at once.

Further, oh thing: Do not send me cheery pseudo-friendly appeals when you are running for office in Louisiana, just because I gave money to a candidate in Pennsylvania, where I actually live.

Neither texts nor emails will make me accept these indifferent, automated personalizations of nullity with anything except irritation.

I try to carry dollar bills in my pocket for panhandlers on the street, however, even though their requests are just as automatic, unsolicited, and repetitive.

I make an exception because they are actual human beings. They are not things. They may be inconvenient, but that’s people for you.

Obviously, computer-generated marketing emails and reminders fill a need for someone, somewhere. I envision someone about my age, clicking on unwanted reminders, reviewing things, and buying more and more stuff. desperately trying to keep all the computers happy, and believe me I am sorry for those people.

Unless they are computer-generated consumers, in which case the more the merrier.