I spend time on social media, and have since the 1980s, starting with Usenet and CompuServe, and moving on to various others. I joined Facebook soon after it started allowing non-college students to join, and Twitter a while after that; I have variously belonged to Threads, BlueSky, TikTok, Reddit, and Mastodon. (Probably others, since I tend to explore anything new early on, though I usually don’t stay). I still belong to an instance of Mastodon and to Reddit, Mastodon because the people I follow are nice and nerdy, and Reddit because I have found a few subreddits where I can (a) waste time and (b) know some more things.

I had actually quit Reddit, but went back with a new account not too long ago because I wanted a “timewaster” for the moments in between chores and reading books. On reflection, going back was probably not a great idea. I have been back less than a month, and twice my brief comments have garnered upwards of 500 upvotes, so now I have karma I don’t want. This is annoying.

Depending on the subreddit, posts and their discussions are full of either (a) mean comments from 14-year-olds (b) chains of bad and usually smutty puns (c) memes (d) rambling AI (e) rambling posts that could be AI but aren’t (f) recycled pictures and videos I have seen over and over and over and over again, usually with a false attribution (g) the same thing five other people posted upthread (h) comments saying that the original poster is an idiot and (i) weirdly intense disagreements.

I am trying to figure out why I read those things, often for long periods, especially since I rarely comment. I mean, I know why I read r/fountainpens, r/weeviltime, r/entomology, r/philly, and r/philadelphia. Because I’m interested in those subjects. And r/oddlysatisfying is oddly satisfying.

But why r/mildlyinfuriating? and r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk, which is mostly hotel desk clerks complaining about misbehaving guests? Because what people get mad about is always fascinating. And boy, are they mad.

The latest comment for which I got over 500 upvotes was in a thread about people who put their bags on the subway seat next to them, making a seat unavailable. I commented that I’m old, so I just point at the seat. They move the bags and I sit down, usually with a thump and a sigh.

That delighted a lot of people, and got some approving comments, but by god, a number of people argued with me about it. That’s because one important function of social media is drama. Human beings adore drama. They like to get mad, to brandish their fists, to be upset and annoyed, and to lecture other people, and you can do that when your name is ClemFandingo6233 or djinn_8933-oops and not Jack or Bitsy.

So there I am, sitting in my nice recliner with my feet up, a cup of tea next to me, the cat in my lap, scrolling through a tiny little screen full of emotions, even though my life is placid in the extreme, even though I have enough and more than enough, vicariously experiencing Significant Emotions. Reason enough, say I, to belong to social media. But I need to put a timer on it, because I have some other things I want to do and not enough time to do them in.